#FMF · Write 31 Days

Day 7 {{Test}} #FMF

It’s Friday, Friday, Five Minute Friiiiday at Kate Moutang’s! Every Friday is a new word prompt, a challenge to free write for five minutes, and a whole lot of fun!

Today’s Word is: TEST

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//I’m a little bit of a checklist Christian.
There I said it.
It sucks. It’s exhausting. I hate it and it’s ugly.

I know it’s not the way, yet I find myself in this same hamster wheel of a cycle that is impossible for me to get out of by myself. In my mind, it’s so much easier to count my merit, my gold stars and my “right answers” than to be solely reliant on what someone else did for me.
And you know what I blame it on?
Standardized testing. (Gag me now, please).
 That p h r a s e just makes me want to curl up and pull my hair out. I remember being in grade school, dreading getting up the next day, because I knew I would be staring at a packet of questions all day which was supposed to tell me how smart I was. Or wasn’t.

Even as I went to college and studied education, I realized that so much of what had to be taught was material for the test at the end of the year. (And I know that annoys the heck out of tons of teachers—I’m for ya!). Teaching for the test. Learning for the test. Answer all of the right questions, write the right things and you win the prize.
As a student, I worked my butt off to ace those tests- because *despite my hatred for scantrons*,  I’ve always loved to earn things and get that pat on the back and an  “attagirl”.

But you know, it’s too bad this mentality doesn’t actually work when it comes to faith.
As Lysa Terkeurst says, “In God’s economy, everything is opposite.
We think things should be this way and they so aren’t.
We think that a + b=c and it should work every time, and it doesn’t.
We want God to operate out of our strength when 9 times out of 10 He operates in our weakness.

But the beauty about this walk of faith is that it’s not about acing a test and getting all of the right answers.
In reality – It doesn’t matter about the dang test.
What actually matters is knowing the teacher.
Because knowing Him is better than showing Him you’re worthy of His affection.
He just gives it. Freely.
We have the choice to receive it or try to achieve it.
And shoot- I very well could spend my whole life on that hamster wheel of “deservingness” and miss my life and miss living like a loved person.

But I don’t want to do that.

So here’s to saying goodbye to strife, throwing that awful test in the trash, and welcoming a life spent sitting at my Teacher’s feet.
Because there is no greater joy in this life than knowing Him, knowing His love, and living from that place. \\

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This post is Day 7 of Five Minute Freewrites for the Write 31 Days Challenge.

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