Blog · Wifery Tales

Wifery Tales #1

I have always been part of a weird family.

Always.

We like weird noises, fart humor is 100% okay, we all talk and argue in a variety of accents, and we can never. EVER. go into grocery stores as an entire family without a funny story, or maybe even someone being offended–haha!

My dad and brother being the goofiest of them all. In the Kirkpatrick household, there was (is) never a dull moment.

Even now as I have moved out, my dad is still making wise cracks over the phone and yelling and joking in the background– I love it.

And, **thank you Jesus** — Weirdness has only multiplied in my life: In the best way.

Ahh.. My husband.

I love the guts right out of him.

He is great– and…

He fits right in!

I was always so afraid as a teenager that my husband would end up being super serious and that he wouldn’t like my weird nor except the weird habits I grew up with (and LOVE!)

No.

He is his own species of weird.

He and I — We are mutually weird and quirky, and our household will forever be that way.

Which brings me to last nights events.

LAST NIGHT:

Last night was our first ever G3 (that’s our youth group) kick off. And it was amazing.

Lance preached a killer message, many students came, heard God’s word, and it was just overall a great turn out.

After the service, Lance had to stay later to clean up and lock up and I had to get home, shower and finish up my homework- so I was a party pooper and headed out early.

*Pause*

You know what I love? I love listening to music in the shower. Its my favorite!

And- one of our family friends gave Lance and I this COOL gadget for a wedding gift – A WATERPROOF BLUETOOTH SHOWER SPEAKER.

Yes. I know, isn’t that AWESOME!!???

You just link your phone to it and you can blast whatever you want while your scrub ‘a dubbin!

*UnPause*

Back to last night.

So I get home and head straight for the shower.  And of course, I turn on my Bluetooth shower speaker and blast some Rend Collective on Spotify.

I’m singing my little heart out and just jamming’ away.

When all of the sudden, my music stops.

“Dang you Spotify– You told me I had 30 minutes of ad- free music!”

But oh no, it doesn’t just stop.

In the creepiest, demonic, raspy, unworldly voice, the shower speaker starts TALKING to me.

“You wanna play a game?”

My eyebrows raise, my mouth drops.

“What the crap are they doing to the ad’s on Spotify?! That is straight up SKETCH!”

At this point I’m just waiting for my song to continue playing, but NO.

“Yoooou waaaaanna play a game?”

STOP. TALKING. TO. ME. SHOWER. SPEAKER.

I’m breathing a little heavy at this point.

I peek my head out of the shower curtain to see what the heck is going on with my shower speaker

And everything is perfectly normal. Great.

“My phone is demon possessed. The Devil is trying to scare me and has taken my phone captive! He is asking me to play his games. Help me Lord, I’m home alone and I can’t get my shower speaker to shut up!”

Then, the creepy, raspy, serial killer toned voice breaks the silence yet again more frequently:

“YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME?!”

“YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME?!”
“YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME?!”

I reach my hand outside the shower.

I’m freaking out and thinking, ” Oh gosh, I’m gonna have to lay my hands on this dang wedding gift and rebuke that Devil until this horrid voice stops taking over my MUSIC and interrupting my shower time!”

Had evil truly entered my bathroom? Were there evil spirits trying to play with my head by using my shower speaker as a tool?!

Laughter.

Then. I hear laughter.

No no, not coming from the shower speaker.

FROM MY HUSBAND.

He comes running into the bathroom hysterically laughing with my phone in one hand saying:

“I hacked your phone and I’ve been watching you from the reflection of the mirror this whole time!!!! Hahhaaa!”

Thank you, you red-headed turd.

This. Means. War.

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